Thursday, January 3, 2013

Bwogyrim #3 (On the Horses of Skyrim)


I had my first random dragon encounter the other night. It was everything I expected it to be (read: significantly harder than a wolf) and many things I did not, namely a lesson in my own inferiority.

What you see captured in the above picture is the dragon being a total jerkface by ignoring my arrows and going straight for my horse, Allie, who was content to watch the battle from afar. Or maybe eat computer grass on that island until I came back to get her, weighing considerably more from all the Dragon Loot in my pockets. "Oh no!" I cried, "Not my horse! You stupid floating lizard - you're supposed to fight me!" He didn't pay attention... and neither did the others.

"The Others?" you say, "This isn't Lost, BW, it's a singleplayer game about fighting dragons and catching butterflies and dual-wielding battle axes!" And you would be mostly right, except it isn't exactly a singleplayer experience for ol' BW. A couple individuals who aren't in the above picture contributed to the action without bothering to ask if the Dragonborn would mind a little help. A fisherwoman, who decided to start attacking me halfway through the battle (and afterwards seemed to forget all about and take her nearby seat like nothing out of the ordinary had happened) and the greatest NPC of all time. This is him:


Sorry about the quality of the picture, I was crying from the dragon attack and my complete unpreparedness for the battle overall. This guy, however, was on fire, standing on his horse, also on fire, shooting arrows and talking trash to the dragon (you can see his wing at the very top of the screen) like this was some pre-arranged afterschool beatdown because Puff refused to give up his lunch money. I've only been playing the game for about a dozen hours but this guy has my vote for being the Dovahkiin (sorry about the spoiler, the game's been out for over a year and I'm assuming some basic knowledge on your part about a game with a dragon on the cover of the box). I did eventually win the encounter and I'm not afraid to tell you - it wasn't because of me at all. I literally hid behind a rock and stuck my neck out only to shoot a couple arrows at Alliebane and rush in for the loot. This guy, who we'll evermore call Deathstar, continued to attack the dragon without any cover - or fear, presumably - at all. In fact, I'm pretty certain he got the last hit in.

And then he goes over to the carcass to stare at it, like: "Whoa, never seen one of these before. Help yourself to the loot mate, I've already got the Bow of Infinite Arrows, Invincibility to Flying Creatures of Death, and Cinder (Allie's fireproof cousin). Good luck with that quest thing!"

Allie survived too, which confuses me. Am I playing the game wrong when the horses and NPCs are better at fighting dragons than me, the Human playing the game about being Lord of the Dragons (or whatever. I haven't beat it yet so I don't know what they're calling it.)? Only time, and considerably more playtime (and maybe actually purchasing some perks instead of hoarding the points like Pokemon), will tell.

With Brightest of (Planet Destroying Space Station Laser) Greens,
BW

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